Personal space is the distance on which a person can comfortably communicate with other people. Violation of the boundaries of personal space is subconsciously perceived as a manifestation of aggression, so it is unpleasant for a person to be in a crowd (a bus at rush hour). The more familiar the interlocutors, the smaller the distance can be between them. But what can be closer than the relationship of the spouses, what kind of invasion of personal space can we say in this case?
Personal space in a relationship is a necessity?
In marriage, the boundaries of personal space are blurred, some do not understand why a wife (husband) needs to have time just for herself, a place where you can be alone with yourself. And as a result, the requirements begin to tell about every minute of absence from home, checking phones, personal mail and quarrels related to such pressure. It must be remembered that in the relations it is annoying not only to invade personal physical space, but also to violate the boundaries of the information sphere. These boundaries must be respected, since both spouses have the right to privacy, and a complete loss of freedom will be perceived very painfully and, in the end, lead to a rupture.
By observing the boundaries of physical space, we mean the inviolability of the working table, personal things, respect for the habits of our second half, the type of temperament and the physiological characteristics of the organism (it is useless to require the "owl" of ebullient activity early in the morning). To the second group of things that should remain inviolable, you can include a hobby, the opportunity to communicate with friends and creative self-realization. Therefore, the wife, requiring her husband to abandon fishing and stop watching football with friends, rudely invades the personal space of a man, which can not but cause a sharp rejection.
Psychology says that the boundaries of personal space must be respected in any case. Do not think that these boundaries can alienate the spouses from each other and destroy the family. This is not so, on the contrary, a respectful attitude (not to be confused with indifference) to the needs of each other will make the family strong. If you try to fill yourself with the whole life of your partner, then you only "strangle" him with your love. Would you like to give a report to anyone at any of your steps, feel that you are treated like an unintentional child?
What determines the size of the zone of personal space?
To make relations harmonious, it is necessary to determine the boundaries of the partner's personal space. In all people, they are different, and depend on many factors. The most important moments that affect the size of the zone of personal space, we can name the following.
- Type of character. Introverts need more privacy, the slightest violation of the boundaries of their personal space can lead to a strong negative reaction and even a nervous breakdown. Extraverts do not have clear boundaries of their space and do not understand why others refuse to let them into all the nooks of the soul.
- Place of residence and nationality. Residents of large cities since birth do not have a large personal space, so being in a dense human stream acts on them not so depressingly as on the inhabitants of the province.
- Self-confidence in yourself. The less a person is confident in his abilities, the more
The personal space he needs, and the stronger the wall built by him. - Family traditions. If a person is accustomed to the fact that correspondence, telephone conversations are not a secret to any member of the family, then starting to build their own relationship, he will require the same openness from the partner.
- If you understand that your and your partner's ideas about personal space do not match, then a calm and thorough conversation is needed. You need to explain why some things are very important to you, and some do not matter and with understanding treat the desire of the spouse.