With the birth of a child, we have an important social role - the role of the mother or father, that is, to some extent become educators. It seems to us that no one can cope as well with their parental responsibilities as we do, because we all know and understand about our child. But let's try to look at the process of education from the outside and analyze whether we tolerate annoying mistakes so as not to lament the lost.
The rating of common mistakes in education and their consequences:
1. Inconsistency . This is a very common mistake. If the baby has screwed up his nose, parents scold him and warn about all sorts of restrictions. But some time passes, and my mother, forgetting that recently threatened a child, to cancel a walk in the park or watching cartoons, as if forgetting about his promise, leads to attractions or includes a cartoon series.
Consequences : the child grows self-willed, he ceases to take seriously the words of his parents. It turns out, as in the proverb: "The dog barks - the wind wears".
2. The inconsistency of requirements from adults . Often there is a situation where in the family to the child there are absolutely different demands, for example, the mother seeks that the child clean the toys after the game, and the grandmother - cleans herself. Often disputes about the correctness of one or another position are carried out directly with children, in the family opposing coalitions are created.
Consequences : a child can grow up as a conformist, adapting to the opinions of others. It is also possible to show disrespect to the parent, whose position the child perceives as unprofitable for himself.
3. Uneven attitude towards the child . It is more common in families consisting of a child and a single mother. The mother then kisses the child, playing with him, then closes in himself, not paying attention to his child, then he cries and is angry with him.
Consequences : the hysterical person who is not able to supervise the behavior will grow. Often there is detachment from the mother due to the fact that the child does not know what to expect from it.
4. Condoning . The child does what he considers necessary, regardless of the opinions and desires of the surrounding people. For example, when he comes to visit, he starts demanding that they give him a fancy thing, although it is fragile, and the owners cherish it, or during a Sunday lunch in a cafe, starts running around the hall, pestering other people who come to rest. The parents of such a child come into perplexity: "So what? He's a child! "
Consequences : you are guaranteed to grow a double egoist and an insolent person.
5. Spoiled . It is manifested in the fact that parents constantly go on about the child, fulfilling all his desires, often at the expense of infringement of their own interests or the interests of others.
Consequences : This miscalculation in education leads to the fact that the child grows self-centered and callous.
6. Excessive exactingness, excessive severity . To the child exaggerated demands are not forgiven him for the most harmless pranks and mistakes.
Consequences : lack of self-confidence, low self-esteem , often perfectionism, which can become an unbearable burden for the growing up person.
7. Lack of affection . Physical contact is extremely important to a small man, however, as an adult. Unfortunately, sometimes parents consider it unnecessary to show tender feelings for the child.
Consequences : the child grows up closed, mistrustful.
8. Unbridled ambitions of parents. Adults in the family try to realize through the child what they could not achieve themselves, regardless of their interests and desires. For example, they give it out for swimming not to develop physically and strengthen their health, but solely because they want to make a champion out of their child.
Consequences : if the child is not attracted by this activity, then, growing up, he will protest in any way. If the activity is to his liking, but he does not justify the aspirations of his parents, then a low self-esteem, self-discontent is formed.
9. Excessive control . A person should have a certain space so that he can make his own choice. Sometimes parents completely ignore the wishes of the child, taking control of any life manifestations (choose friends, track phone calls, etc.)
Consequences : as in the previous case, a protest against unnecessary custody in the form of leaving home, drinking alcohol, etc.
10. Imposing a role . It is more often observed in families where mothers are single or there is no emotional connection between parents. The mother begins to talk about her failures, discuss other people, imposing problems, to the perception of which the child is not ready.
Consequences : excessive emotional loads for the child can cause pessimism and unwillingness to live, the proper distance between the adult and the child is erased.