If this comforts you, we will repeat the following statement again. According to experts, it is impossible to imagine a marriage without conflicts - and, therefore, without a crisis of family relations. Here is what psychologists say about marriage: "Marriage resembles a living organism: it grows, develops, changes, once it is healthy, once it is sick. However, what is important to understand is the following. The structure of marriage changes precisely because over the years, its two members are also changing. "
Here's what the six signs of the crisis of family relations look like:
- your quarrels become more frequent;
- your sexual contacts have become much rarer - compared to the recent past;
- you and your partner sit silently in front of the TV for hours;
- you are beginning to be interested in erotic other people;
- you are constantly pissed at your partner and are ready at any minute to start a quarrel with him;
- you try to be out of the house as much as possible.
4 crisis of family relations
According to the experts, each married couple is expected to face four serious crises in their family relations. We list them:
- The first crisis falls on family relations after the first year of marriage. Although a married couple during this period is characterized by excessive optimism, it can well survive the crisis due to disappointment, which often comes after the beginning of cohabitation.
- The second crisis is observed in family relationships after 2 or 3 years of marriage. If we take into account that after the first year of marriage, the passion begins to fade, the married couple faces face to face with routine. On the other hand, it is during this period that a woman can begin to doubt whether the chosen man meets her expectations, and whether he is able to make her happy.
- The third crisis of family relations is associated with the birth of the first child. Suddenly, instead of two, the family becomes three people. And while the wife and husband try on the role of mother and father, respectively (which in itself is a great challenge for both), alienation inevitably occurs in their relations. Of course, the third crisis can affect family relations before the previous one if the couple begins their marriage life in the period of pregnancy already available.
- The fourth crisis occurs in family relationships much later, when the roles between spouses are long separated, and is associated more with the personal identity crisis of either one or both spouses. If earlier it was believed that such a crisis of family relations happens after 7 years of marriage, then today experts are convinced that the most serious crisis of family relations are exposed in 10 years and 11 months of marriage.
How to overcome the crisis of family relations?
The first question that you must answer yourself frankly is: do you really want to save your marriage? If so, then find out if your partner wants the same. Both of you must have a desire to cope with the crisis that has come in your marriage, otherwise you will hardly be able to save family relations.
For any of the spouses, it will not be fair to remain married only because such a situation suits everyone.
Usually the psychology of such a crisis is such that in their family relationships the spouses often confuse the symptom with the problem that gave birth to it. According to statistics, the most frequent reason for divorce is the infidelity of one of the spouses. However, the appearance of a third party, as a rule, is always the result. And the result is that the crisis in your family relationships has existed for quite a long time - you simply for any reason did not pay attention to its symptoms. Therefore - first of all separate the symptom from the problem itself!
So, how can you help your marriage if the crisis in your family relations has already come?
- Talk to your partner about the situation that has developed between you. Many women choose ostrich politics, hoping that the crisis in their family relations will pass by itself, if they remain silent - pretending that nothing terrible is happening in their house. This is mistake! Silence not only pushes all problems in depth, but also multiplies their number.
- Lower the bar of your requirements. Before you - a living person, not a starry super-man. If he does not want to pay attention to your wishes or requests, this is one thing. But if he simply is not able to fulfill them - it's quite another. If you do not want to aggravate the crisis of your family relationships, do not force your husband to always justify himself in your failure.
- Relax from each other. Psychologists say that even the most loving people need to spend one month a year not together. You, probably, had to hear about married couples who live alone for one or two days a week. Ask them, do they even know what the crisis of family relations is?
- Refer to the help of psychology. In a crisis in family relations, the advice of an uninterested person looking at the situation from the outside can be invaluable.
How to proceed, if you overcome the crisis of family relations you did not succeed? First, make sure that you fought for keeping the family long enough - that is, at least six months. If, in spite of everything, you have not seen any improvement in your relationship, ask yourself - also frankly! - The second question, namely: is it really suitable for you the man you chose as your husband? Try not to be like those women who see divorce as a deep personal defeat. Think about the fact that quite often divorce is not a sad end, but rather a very happy beginning.