Internet sources are full of headlines like: "My mother-in-law is a monster," and in various forums, girls do not stop "washing their bones" with their "second mothers." Is it really that Mama's husband is really bad, or are we simply being held hostage to our own delusions about our mother-in-law? Let's find out the reasons for the arising problems in the relationship between mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law and why the mother-in-law does not always like the daughter-in-law. Understand in order.
One side of the medal
So there was a long-awaited meeting with a man whom you have been waiting for all your life. Here they are rendezvous, causing trembling in the chest, kisses, hugs, confessions ... And do not forget the day when he made you an official proposal to become his wife. Now it's time to announce this joyful news to parents, but many, first of all, have to get to know them first. We go to visit my husband's parents ...
Excitement and desire like the groom's parents is inherent in every bride. Especially want to please his mother, do not disappoint her, so that she also praised her son for his choice. But why do we do this? For yourself, is it? Or simply, the society imposed this pattern of behavior on us, intimidating the stereotypes that the mother of the future spouse is like a harsh examiner, does not sleep, does not eat, but thinks as though only to "overwhelm" you in this exam. With such an inner mood, a girl who stepped over the threshold of the groom's parent home is doomed to "fail", because her behavior will be very different from what it really is. Excessive complaisance, modesty and impeccability, in a word, finesse will be exposed in two counts and this will immediately cause distrust from the parents of the lover.
No need to "strain", because you have already been selected, the man is confident in you, that's why he invited you to your father's house to approve you, so to say, to the main role of your wife. He does not ask permission from his parents, he has already decided everything. So is it worth something else to prove to someone or you can just remain yourself and treat with respect to people who gave life to someone you love.
The other side of the coin
The mother's love for her child is truly very strong and indestructible. What does a woman feel, whose son no longer needs her help and care? Now in his life there was another and very significant for him a woman - a wife. Either way, any mother can experience a sense of loss, jealousy towards the daughter-in-law and excitement. Excitement for the happiness and well-being of his son. Neither anger nor aggression, but an elementary concern for his son, that's the difference. Rarely his mother-in-law is pursuing the goal of offending his daughter-in-law, she only wants to make sure that her son is in reliable and caring hands. And from this situation, which develops in the son's family, the behavior of the mother-in-law depends on the relationship with the daughter-in-law.
Very often, husbands make a big mistake when they tell their mother about their blunders in a rush of feelings. If in your life there are similar situations, it is worth talking to her husband, so that he would save his mother from unnecessary details of your family troubles. He did tell and forgot, because he was on a platoon, on emotions, but his mother - no. She will not forget what she said, because her son was "offended", so we must protect him. As a result, the daughter-in-law is to be punished in the form of advice and moralizing, and the reasons for her mother-in-law to love her daughter-in-law will be diminished. Do not be ripped off and attack from the mother-in-law, which only wants to have her son happy.
Family quarrels are inevitable, so it is important to get out of the conflict correctly. Solve everything among yourself, because you are a family. Noisy and will, and parents better save - why they need extra stress, and sleep will be stronger ...
The mother-in-law is different ...
Let's make adjustments - not mothers are different, and women in principle are all different. People have different education and social role is not to do with it. The status of newly-made mother-in-law does not make another woman of a woman, she is what she is. That's how they brought up, and you will receive. If a person has no idea of good manners and always pokes his nose into other people's affairs, then whether he was your girlfriend, aunt, uncle or neighbor nothing would have changed. Therefore, do not take everything at your own expense and blame yourself that you are the reason for your mother-in-law's inadequate behavior. It is what it is and you can not change it. Better change your attitude towards her and the situation.
Under the same roof…
Now you can sympathize with those who have a deplorable experience of living with the parents of the spouse, and express their admiration to those who, under similar conditions, managed to preserve their marriage. But for those who, for various reasons, are forced to live with their husband's parents, and the following "instructions for use" will be given:
- conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are due to a clash of interests, different life styles. We must seek a compromise and concede to each other;
- two housewives in the kitchen - this is a disaster, someone should take patronage. If your mother-in-law takes the initiative in this matter, relax and let her do it. If you have time, prepare yourself;
- In situations where the mother-in-law tries to set up her son against the daughter-in-law, that is, you, try to understand the reason for her behavior. Maybe you did something to offend her? After all, admit, it's not like we're all white and fluffy;
- in the education of children must have a firm position. If your child receives conflicting instructions from you and your mother-in-law, you need to talk with your mother-in-law
and dot all the "and". After all, your parents are you and your spouse, and your mother-in-law's advice, so be it, will be taken into account; - find with your mother-in-law common interests, activities. Perhaps you will become good friends or, more than that, you will be like a daughter to her. Get to know each other better and do not rush into conclusions;
- Seek with the husband an opportunity to acquire a separate dwelling and apply to it as much as possible efforts. After all, relationships with mother-in-law are especially beautiful ... at a distance, as well as on weekends and holidays.
Respect yourself and each other and take care of your loved ones.