Unlike pity for others, which we call " mercy " and which, albeit secretly, but proud, openly feel sorry for ourselves, we have not even been accepted. And it is customary to make others feel sorry for you. About why pity is a bad feeling, and how to get rid of it, we'll talk today.
The hidden form of self-pity
The problem of self-pity is that we do not always see and recognize this feeling.
Let's try to figure out what self-pity is. This is an opportunity to shift responsibility from their shoulders to the world around them. Simply put, the way to blame strangers and circumstances in all their failures.
But is it good, to engage in self-flagellation and take the blame on yourself, in case of any failure - you ask. The fact of the matter is that it is not a question of guilt , but of responsibility. If nothing depends on you, then you can not control your life. You voluntarily deprive yourself of your strength, shifting responsibility to others.
How to recognize the hidden form of self-pity:
- you like to discuss and condemn others. Bad ecology, poor state, poor performance, etc .;
- in the sentences often slip notes of expectation: "when will it change," "when the leadership will notice me," "when the authorities already remember the people", etc .;
- you like to be soothed, supported, and in no way attempted to shift the angle of view to the problem. In other words, you fueled your sense of self-pity.
It is worth noting that the problem of self-pity and excessive compassion is more characteristic of women. After all, how often, receiving from the man practical advice, we take offense at him even more. We need to be pityed, and not made clear that the problem is solved. At least in the first stage.
How to get rid of self-pity?
First of all - watch yourself. Every time there is a desire to complain about others, stop, and think:
Remember: you always have a choice. If you do not like the relationship, you can make a sharp turn, you can change or, in the end, leave. At work, where you are not noticed, you can manifest yourself or openly express your opinion to the authorities.
Once and for all, understand that responsibility is not equal to guilt. Taking responsibility for one's life is a habit of successful and happy people. And floundering in the mind of their guilt - the lot of losers. Make your choice!