Ever since childhood, we all remember fairy tales of great love, where the characters "lived happily ever after." And of course everyone wants this feeling to arise in his life and never disappeared. But, unfortunately, it happens only in fairy tales. And scientists generally declare that love lives for three years. But why does love pass and once in love for the loss of reason people after a while run up and pass each other? Let's try to explain this phenomenon.
How long does love pass?
Many phenomena in this world must go through certain stages of development. These include human relations. The full cycle goes through 5 stages: birth, development, culmination, destruction, death. In this model, there are exceptions, however, most of the most important human relations exist and develop according to this law. And if the birth symbolizes shyness and insecure invitations to a date, the destruction means a transition from a permanent holiday to a routine routine, and death, and at all, can make people strangers. Usually people whose relationships are in the last phase can be seen right away - they have a common life, children, car, dacha and together they are more likely by habit than by great love.
But why does this happen? Where does our love go?
It's not a secret for anyone that the feeling of falling in love is caused by chemical processes. But apart from this property there are also protective mechanisms, which nature has put us into. One of such mechanisms is the process of adaptation - that is, if the stimulus or signal from the external environment enters the nervous centers of the brain for a long time, they begin to reduce their sensitivity, and later completely cease to perceive this signal. For example, if you iron a person on the arm for three minutes, the sensation will begin to dull, and after 15 minutes they will become completely invisible. The same goes for smokers who, in the course of time, completely cease to sense the smell of tobacco that comes from them. Adaptation is peculiar not only to the senses, but also to our psyche. In other words, a person gets used to everything. Including the relationship. Our love lives in the nerve centers of the brain. And if we perceive this feeling as bliss, unlimited happiness, passion and emotions, then for adaptation mechanisms it is a real danger for survival. And no matter how hard they try, it will eventually go away sooner or later. The sages say that love does not die, but simply degenerates into another feeling. And it's good if it's a warm friendship and tender affection. But it happens that it comes to hatred or complete alienation. To avoid the second scenario, it is important to understand how to determine that love has passed.
How to understand that love has passed?
Most people make mistakes in their relationships because of an erroneous substitution. People take for love an easy feeling of falling in love, when the person is good, and he is perceived to be ideal at the expense of our illusions. As the relationship develops, the veil begins to subside, and we see the person in his true guise, not in what we would like to see. Half of the relations are being completed already at this stage. Another part continues to grow and develop, gets used and gradually adapts to the real state of things. But there always remains that part of people for whom the relationship turns into torture. And then love begins to die. How do you know if love has passed? Everything is simple enough. What do you yourself do when you do not like food, room or some phenomenon? You start to avoid it, try as little as possible to be there, where is the object you do not like. In principle, you continue to live your life, regardless of this object, but if you suddenly have to be close to him, you endure, make an effort on yourself, etc. Agree not to notice this behavior is quite difficult. And it concerns both of these moments - when you stopped loving yourself, or stopped loving you.
What if you notice that love has passed? If you notice the fading of feelings from your partner, it is worthwhile to sit down and talk to him heart to heart. Without emotions and scandals. Be ready to release the person on all four sides, because you already know that everything depends not on him, but on the mechanisms of adaptation. If the matter concerns you personally, then you can choose these options:
- Decide on the conversation. Explain to the person all as is. The longer you pull, the thiner you'll do once a loved one.
- Take for yourself the decision that there will be no turning back. Do not give up hope that someday everything will resume
- Do not succumb to persuasion, tantrums, tears and blackmail. Remember that everything in this world is temporary and everything passes.
- Do not feel sorry for the person you want to part with. Pity makes a person weak. Yes, and not this feeling to stay close, when feelings no longer exist.
- At least at first try not to keep in touch with your former love. This can be interpreted as an attempt to return the former.
Another option relates to the case when you do not want to leave your loved one. In this case it is worth refreshing your feelings. Perhaps you need to relax from each other, or take a trip together. Changing the situation is the best way to strengthen relations.
We can not stop a beautiful moment with all the will. However, to extend it to us quite on the shoulder. Remember that the relationship is, above all, a huge job. Above yourself and over your loved one. This is a joint overcoming of life's hardships and difficulties. Love does not die. She is reborn into another no less warm and tender state of affection and friendship. To achieve the emergence of these renewed relationships after a long joint life is the main task of all who value their beloved and knows where love goes.