Statistics show that today the foster family has long ceased to be considered a social exception. Family and single people, and in some countries - couples of people of the same sex, express a desire to take the child to the foster family. The upbringing of children in foster families is determined, first of all, by the age of the adopted child. From the same factor, the problems of the foster family also depend.
Foster family and newborn
Usually, each adoptive family prefers to adopt a newborn child - in spite of the fact that this will create difficulties for future parents. As you know, the first six months are for the child a period when he is most closely connected with his mother energetically. And in the first three months of life, breastfeeding gives the child a purely practical help - for example, it reduces the probability of asthma or gastroenteritis by 33%.
Thus, the characteristics of the foster family in this case are indicated by the fact that the new parents will probably have to communicate with the biological mother of the child to some extent, provided this is possible. Such a factor can cause in the adoptive parents a feeling of uncertainty and a certain fear.
This is a perfectly normal situation foreseen by experts, which is the first problem of the foster family who took up the baby. In such cases, foster parents should remember that there is a psychological support service for foster families, whose specialists will help them cope with the difficulties that have arisen.
Adolescent in the foster family
The decision to take a child to a foster family should be especially well considered if it concerns older children. In such cases, foster parents are often confronted with the position of negation and rejection that a child can take.
Particularly great patience and tact requires a teenager in a foster family. A child of this age perceives his new family and adoptive parents (especially the mother!) In two ways. On the one hand, it is a woman who offers him his care and love, on the other hand - besides his will, she is associated with his biological mother, who betrayed and abandoned him.
A teenager in a foster family is much more keen than younger children, experiencing the following feelings:
- fear of the unknown;
- fear that in the present or future the foster family will refuse it - just as it happened with him in the past, with his biological parents.
Therefore, the main points of upbringing in the foster family should be tried to be directed at paying off these fears in the child. How to achieve this? Experts point to two points:
- adoptive parents should not show pathological super-care about a child;
- foster parents should be completely free from feelings of guilt or remorse before the child, without trying to keep a response for the actions of his biological parents.
How do you tell a child that he lives in a foster family?
At what age is it better for a child to talk about being adopted and living in a foster family? Today, all psychologists agree on one thing: do it when the child is at a young age. Concerning a more concrete term, the opinions of experts differ. Some believe that this should be done at the age of 8. Others believe that it is necessary to wait until the child turns 11 years old, because at this time the child is already able to independently make logical and semantic conclusions on the basis of conclusions.
However, both agree that the information to the child should be submitted gradually, with the help of repeated positive phrases or actions - for example, caressing a child or reading to him his favorite book in an atmosphere of calm and warmth.
However, the foster family must be prepared for the fact that the child will take the news of his adoption very ambiguously. His reaction can be expressed by defiant behavior and aggressiveness - both in relation to his adoptive parents, and in relation to his biological parents or even strangers to him.
Experts explain this by saying that after this information the child experiences a feeling of guilt, not knowing which side to take it. It seems to him that, by loving his new family and foster parents, he betrays his biological parents, and vice versa. They also believe that such a reaction refers to symptoms of post-traumatic syndrome (PTSD). Calm and sincere conversations parents should gradually accustom the child to the idea that his adoption was an act of love on their part. You can talk about the lives of children in foster homes and orphanages, comparing it with the lives of children in foster families.
If parents can not help their child by themselves, they need to contact a service that offers psychological assistance to foster families.
Foster family and the Law
Before you take the child to the foster family, you need to familiarize yourself with the Legislative Acts that determine the adoption process. In basic terms, they are the same for Russia and for Ukraine. Here are their main points.
According to the RSFSR:
Article 127. Persons having the right to be adoptive parents
- 1. Adopters may be adults of both sexes, with the exception of:
- Persons recognized as legally incompetent or severally legally incompetent;
- spouses, one of whom is recognized by the court as legally incompetent or severely legally incompetent;
- Persons deprived of their parental rights or restricted by the court in parental rights;
- persons discharged from the duties of a guardian (trustee) for improper performance of the duties imposed on him by law;
- former adoptive parents, if the adoption is revoked by the court on their fault;
- persons who have or have been convicted, subjected to or subjected to criminal prosecution (with the exception of persons whose criminal prosecution has been terminated for rehabilitative reasons) for crimes against life and health, freedom, honor and dignity of the person (with the exception of illegal placement in a psychiatric hospital, slander and insults), sexual inviolability and sexual freedom of the person, against the family and minors, public health and public morality, and against the public th security;
- - persons living in living quarters that do not meet sanitary and technical rules and norms.
Article 128. Difference in age between the adopter and the adopted child
- The age difference between an unmarried adopter and an adopted child must be at least sixteen years old. For reasons recognized by the court as valid, the age difference can be reduced.
- When the child is adopted by the stepfather (stepmother), the age difference established by clause 1 of this article is not required.
- The termination of the foster family contract occurs in the following cases:
Article 141. Grounds for the abolition of the child's adoption
- Adoption of the child can be abolished in cases where the adoptive parents evade fulfilling the duties of the parents assigned to them, abuse the parental rights, abuse the adopted child, are ill with chronic alcoholism or drug addiction.
- The court has the right to cancel the adoption of the child and on other grounds on the basis of the interests of the child and taking into account the opinion of the child.
Article 142. Persons Possessing the Right to Request Cancellation of the Adoption of a Child
The right to demand the abolition of the adoption of a child is enjoyed by his parents, adoptive parents of the child, an adopted child who has reached the age of fourteen years, a body of guardianship and trusteeship, as well as a prosecutor.
In Ukraine:
Can not be adopters of a person:
- limitedly capable, incompetent;
- deprived of parental rights;
- persons who were already adopters and adoption was abolished through their fault;
- who are registered or treated in a psychoneurological or narcological dispensary;
- abusing alcohol and drugs;
- not having a permanent place of residence and permanent income;
- Other persons whose interests are contrary to the interests of the child.
The advantage of adoption is given to relatives, persons adopting several brothers and sisters, citizens of Ukraine and married couples.
Any commercial intermediary activity related to adoption in Ukraine is prohibited.
Adoption requires the consent of the child, except in cases when the child is unable to express an opinion on the age or state of health.
It is also necessary that the guardian / guardian / home of the baby be accepted for adoption, although such consent can be obtained by the decision of the guardianship authority or the court (in the case of adoption in the interests of the child).
The decision of the court on adoption is made taking into account the state of health, the material and family situation of the adoptive parents, the motivation for adoption, the personality and health of the child, the time during which the adopter already cared for the child, the child's attitudes towards the adoptive parents.
The court has no right to refuse to adopt on the grounds that the adopters already have or may have their child.